Why Won't You Hold My Hand?
by theSardonyx
Summary: "Shizu-chan's an idiot." Izaya and Shizuo haven't held hands yet despite going on numerous dates for the past two months. Why was the blond so reluctant?


**/ My first Durarara fic.! I just tried because Izuo/Shizaya has become one of my OTPs. Enjoy.! /**

WHY WON'T YOU HOLD MY HAND?

Izaya was annoyed. Really annoyed. Who wouldn't be? He and Shizuo had been dating for two months and they've been on numerous dates but never once had they held hands. It pissed him off how slow his boyfriend's uptake was, as he made sure to send several impressions that he wanted to hold hands, but he supposed that he shouldn't have expected anything from that stupid protozoan.

But he really wanted to hold Shizuo's hand, if only to convince himself that they really were dating.

So the next time they went on a date, in which Izaya dragged an unwilling Shizuo to a movie theater to watch a horror film, the raven took the initiative and seized his boyfriend's hand. The reaction that he got was completely unexpected, even though he knew how unpredictable his boyfriend could be.

Shizuo had stiffened and had pulled his hand away.

Izaya felt hurt, although he played it cool and jabbered on about how "conservative" Shizuo was. Holding hands was the only intimate gesture he had asked for so far, and he realized then, when the blond pulled his hand away, that Shizuo hadn't missed his signals.

Instead, Shizuo had refused him.

"Shizu-chan's and idiot," he muttered under his breath and crossed his arms in front of his chest, the movie completely forgotten despite the loud screams and growls that emanated from the speakers.

Izaya had given up on his wishes by the time the movie was over and they had to get out of the theater when Shizuo made no move to comfort him at all. Sure, he didn't dare show the blond that he was hurt, but his boyfriend should have noticed, right?

But then again, Izaya thought bitterly, Shizu-chan's a stupid monster with the brain of a protozoan.

"Hey flea," Shizuo said, shaking the raven from his thoughts. "Let's go to the park."

"What for?" Izaya asked, unintentionally letting his bitterness slip through his tone. Shizuo's expression didn't change and the informant grew more annoyed because really, how stupid can somebody get?

"So we can sit down." Shizuo's voice was calm, but Izaya heard an underlying emotion that he couldn't quite place. The blond also refused to look at him, walking ahead with long strides, so Izaya thought that whatever it was that they were going to talk about, it was important.

"Look…" Shizuo began as soon as they found themselves seated on a park bench. The silence that surrounded them gave the informant some sort of foreboding feeling, as if warning him that he wouldn't like how the conversation was going to go.

"I'm sorry I couldn't hold your hand." Shizuo still refused to look at him, and the informant felt his anger burst.

"Couldn't or wouldn't?" Izaya snarled. "I know that you know that I wanted to hold your hand. But you refuse every single time I 'asked'! It's just holding hands and you're… Why are you afraid? Do you really want to date me or–"

Shizuo suddenly looked smaller and Izaya had to stop. "I'm sorry…" It was barely above a whisper but the raven heard it clearly. "I just… I don't want to hurt you."

The blond's head was hung, his hair covering his eyes, but Izaya could see the glistening tears that fell on the other's lap. "It didn't matter before, when I thought I hated you, but now… I love you too much to not think about it. I'm scared that if I held your hand, I'd squeeze too tightly and break it. I know I would, because I wouldn't want to let go. I want to hold your hand, hug you tight, cuddle, everything that couples do, but I'm scared I'll just hurt you."

Anybody else would have been touched, but even though Izaya was rendered speechless, his anger returned instead. Even worse, he was furious – furious at Shizuo for thinking too much when he was a stupid monster and furious at himself for not noticing that his boyfriend was suffering because he was too caught up with his own desires. Hadn't he accused Shizuo of being uncaring? He didn't want to admit that he was a hypocrite.

Izaya was furious, and in his rage, he grabber the taller man's collar and smashed their lips together with all the force of his anger and love.

Shizuo was a protozoan with monstrous strength, and Izaya loved him because he was strong in more ways than one. He didn't want the Shizuo that was afraid of breaking him. After all, the man he fell in love with was the one who hated him with such a passion that he threw poles and vending machines at him with the intent to kill.

"Shizu-chan's an idiot~" Izaya said when they broke apart, smiling with his usual cocky grin. He took the other's hand in his and lightly squeezed it. "You can't hurt me."

Shizuo kissed him again and Izaya was relieved to feel the pressure on his hand, even if it was a little bit too tight.

 **/ Is Shizuo a bit OoC.? I'm sorry, it's my first time trying to write a character like his. Please review.! /**


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